Discover more from Wednesday Whelm
On decision making
Is grass really greener on the other side? How to make the “right” decisions that serve YOU.
Decision making can be difficult.
Maybe it is because you’ll never know “the other story”. The would-haves, and what-ifs. You will never know how it would have turned out if you went the other way.
Grass might just look greener on the other side.
That’s what keeps me choosing the options to which I know the least of the outcome and answers. For example, I find myself choosing to exchange sleep for events. I know exactly how my night would turn out if I chose to sleep. Well.. I would sleep, and wake up refreshed.
But I’ll never know how the night would turn out if I didn’t attend the event. The unknown keeps me choosing it over the known, so I don't have to wonder, what-if… Even when I clearly know the benefits of some good 8-hour sleep.
Turning FOMO into JOMO
FOMO, short for Fear Of Missing Out, can be an uncomfortable feeling for many of us. Nobody wants to feel excluded or alone. What if missing out doesn’t have to be a bad thing? What if missing out on some things is actually an act of choosing ourselves and self-care? I introduce you to your new friend, JOMO, the Joy Of Missing Out. AKA Freedom.
NVM - Never mind
Have you ever wished your decision making was easier, or if someone handed you the “right” answer? Maybe this can help. If you are in the midst of having to make a decision, ask yourself the following questions, using NVM - short for “never mind”, and also an acronym for NEED, VALUES, and ME.
What do I NEED? (It is different from what I WANT. Many times we make decisions because we want to calm our desires to know the unknown and resolve our FOMOs)
What are my VALUES? Which decision/option would be more in line with my values?
What decision would be choosing ME, respectful to ME, and kind to ME?
REMEMBER NVM (Never mind) : Need, Values, Me
Bonus question for those who believe in mind-body connection: How do I FEEL in my body when I think about each option?
It is YOUR decision
Don’t forget that it is YOUR decision and YOU are a very important part of the equation.
We, at times, altruistically make decisions that would serve others while burning ourselves out; sacrificing or even worse, neglecting our needs and forgetting to respect our limits.
So many of us are used to making decisions based on values that are (knowingly and unknowingly) imposed on us by society and others. Indoctrinated ideas claiming that we can (and should) do it all. And if we can’t, we are not able to “keep up”, not good enough, not worthy. Lies!
Retraining our ancient brain
We learned at an early age that we needed to please others (mainly our caregivers) in order to survive, as they were the source of food and shelter. Our survival depended on them. We had no choice but to cling to them. One of the ways we preserve that habit in our grownup world is we over-work ourselves, with the belief that we need to be successful, beautiful, helpful, resourceful, in order to be loved and accepted. Even though we are now self-sufficient, we live with the belief that we can’t survive without their approval.
When we lived in tribes, it was also true that we needed to be accepted in order to be able to farm together, hunt together, survive together, and mate within the community to pass down our genes. Ostracism literally meant death. The end of you (and your DNA). Nowadays this is also not true and is an outdated unconscious belief, although our brain still operates by it.
We got some adjustments to make and retraining to do for our ancient brains. I get it - it can be uncomfortable at first. That is one of the main reasons why we resist change and get stuck in our old (but comfortable) ways.
Maybe we can start with reframing FOMO with JOMO, and thinking NVM (my Needs, Values and choosing Me) in our decision making. Big or small.